An Open Letter to John Kerry

Dear Senator Kerry,

Of all the people I know (as well as those I don’t know), you are the person who emails me the most. Today you wrote to me to let me know that Supreme Court nominee John Roberts “is no Sandra Day O’Connor.” Thank you for that brilliant insight. (That was sarcasm.) I am writing to ask you to please stop. It’s not that I don’t like you, it’s just that your emails are neither informative nor compelling in any way.

You ran for President and you lost. I’m sure you don’t need to be reminded of this. Sorry if that’s a sore spot for you. I have to admit that I feel like you let me down, that you let America down. Because of the odd way in which we nominate candidates for President in this country, I didn’t have a say in who the Democratic nominee would be. By the time the primary in West Virginia rolled around, the people of New Hampshire and Iowa and some other states I can’t remember had already picked you, and I just had to jump on the Kerry bandwagon. (Truth be told, I actually voted for Dennis Kucinich in the primary, just for fun. Actually, that vote was kind of a statement in support of the notion that short people do in fact have a reason to live. I’m 5′1″, you see. I feel pretty good about that vote because I recently learned that he’s engaged to a redhead, so that’s cool.) Anyway, you had your chance to win me over, and though I did vote for you in November, I can’t say that you succeeded in that endeavor. Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure you’re a nice guy and all, but as a presidential candidate, you stunk.

I live in West Virginia, and you represent the people of Massachusetts. Perhaps if I lived in that state, I might care what you have to say. Since you never used to write to me before your 2004 candidacy, I have a feeling that the only reason you are maintaining a correspondence with me is in case you decide to run for President again, in 2008. Well, let me save you the trouble and just tell you right now that I will not vote for you again. You had your chance and you failed.

At the bottom of all of your emails, it says that your mailings are paid for by “Friends of John Kerry.” I think you should tell your friends that their money might be better spent on something else. Mr. Kerry, please stop emailing me.

Signed,
Raging Red

P.S. Hey, I just noticed something else at the bottom of your email – there’s a link that says “Click here to unsubscribe.” Are you sending these emails to other people too? Here I thought we had something special. Now I feel let down again.